Joey Beltdrives? Never heard of him!
Right from the beginning I was there.
Bearing witness to that special moment when Jack found his groove.
Those who know, know. And if you know the score you know the score.
And if you don’t know, then you don’t know the score so you’re probably going, “who the hell is this guy and what the fuck is he talking about?”
Because you weren’t there.
But I was, right from the start, before the big bang that sparked a movement.
I paid my dues and learned my trade, built my own soundsystem and carefully curated a top selection of choons before hosting my first ever acid house party back in 1989.
I was ten years old.
The shed was my booth, the garden our dancefloor, I had no idea what Es were so I put out some peanut M&Ms in a bowl – sorted!
I had flashing lights, a dancing sunflower from Athena and a two-deck tape player packed with Technotronic, Black Box and Bomb The Bass.
The crowd were loving it. I had them in the palm of my hand.
Then I got raided, my equipment was confiscated and I wound up being grounded for a week.
But you can’t stop the underground.
The establishment didn’t get it, they called house music a “satanic cult”, but I knew it was something deeper, so I went deeper too. I got deep, I got deep, I got deep into the vibe.
I discovered Adamski next and started playing NRG backwards (pronounced GRN) and wound up getting excommunicated from the catholic church – that’s when I knew I was proper hardcore.
And that was only the beginning. The more I played my music, the more places I got kicked out of.
So I made a career of it. And I’ve been getting kicked out of places ever since.
They would tell me, “you can’t mix this with that”, and I would say, “watch me”, and have no fear.
When Jack built his house he built it with his own hands, brick by funky brick, with ground up ecstasy as cement.
Nowadays kids need to stand in queues for hours on end just to get planning permission from the bouncer at Berghain.
That’s why we need to keep the underground alive.
And that’s why I created this website. To show my solidarity, to share my passion for the scene, to educate the yoof of today about the glorious past and unite the tribes once more.
So together we can all shine a path towards a brighter future.
And since I know the score, you too can know the score, with reviews of hot new releases, EPs and albums, plus retro reviews of classic albums in my Bumpy Backspins section.
Rave Reviews is where I share my experiences of some of the events I attend, with varying levels of coherent recollection, as I go a-blundering from city to city in search of proper house and techno, while also exploring some of the darker, narrow alleyways of experimental electronic music.
Because in the end, that’s what it’s all about peace, love unity, respect and big generous bowls of M&Ms.
Underground forever baby, we live like roaches, never dyin’, always livin’.
Frequently Asked WTFs
Who the fuck is Joey Beltdrives?
I’m a slippery silver fox who can jam on the silver box.
I still got my original 303.
Originally just one of millions of spotty teens who swapped crackly bootleg mixtapes in school and graduated to smashing beats badly on Kam rubber band belt drives in a dreamlike delusion.
Once I get the knack of this I’ll soon be a superstar, paid to spin in the top clubs all over the world.
I’d like to say I grew up, but I didn’t, I just bought way more records and expensive noisy toys.
Nowadays I’m a fully accomplished DJ beloved by millions for my inventive selections and technical skills. On a good day I don’t even need to use the sync button.
Despite an alarming lack of cartilage around my knees and feet I fully intend to rave to the grave. And, like it or not, you’re all coming with me.
Is Joey Beltdrives your real name?
Sure, why not.
You just have to completely ignore that it sounds suspiciously like techno maestro Joey Beltram.
What the hell is a bumpy backspin?
Backspins sound cool – that’s a scientific fact.
So when I was learning to DJ, I wanted to make them my DJ special move.
The problem was I couldn’t afford Technics and instead I had a pair of crappy Kam belt drives which weren’t exactly built for punishment.
So whenever I did try do a backspin there was a 50/50 chance that the tonearm would start juddering up and down or, worse, cleave across the top of the vinyl before knocking into the spindle with a loud hum.
But I wouldn’t let little setbacks like that stop me.
Or the fact that, unlike every other turntable or controller I’ve encountered since, the pitch sliders were inverted, which meant it took me years to get out of the habit of speeding up when I meant to slow down and vice versa.
You just don’t get that realness from a pair of Pioneers.
Seriously though, what the fuck?
Yeah I know, right?
You should try sharing a brain with the guy!